Mother's Day Dinner

Tonight, I made lamb and steak shish kabobs.  Everyone got to customize their own.  I had some of all of the veggies.  The kids enjoyed making their own.  We had a yummy and healthy Mother's Day dinner.

Month 1 Pics

I'm at my (hopefully) highest weight ever.  I never want to see 330-something on the scale again!

Having a Tough (Mother's) Day

Mother's Day has always been tough for me.  I've never really had a great relationship with my own mom.  My mom has been out of my life for 3 years.  Even though it's been 3 years of no one openly rooting for me to fail, making up lies about me, and complaining that I don't buy them expensive enough stuff (no one in that house works, by the way), it still hurts. 

Every year for Mother's Day, my birthday, or Christmas, all I ask for is a lie free day.  In 15 years, I've never gotten it.  Usually, it's accompanied by theft.  My husband and kids can be pretty self centered, which gets to me.  Although I wish I could prioritize myself more.  I probably wouldn't weigh as much as I do now.  I have to clean up their constant messes and problems, so I come last.

This time of year was definitely the wrong time to start over trying to lose weight.  Despite feeling hungry all week (making me a little cranky, if you can't tell) and walking daily, I'm up 7 pounds.  This usually happens when I start working out, building muscle and all.  It's temporary, but still sucks.

Boredom Hunger Today

I was definitely bored today after running errands.  It took way too long at Walmart and then PetCo, but it gave me something to do and a chance to get out of the house.  I was definitely feeling hungry today, but think it was due more to boredom than actual hunger.  I've been back on the wagon of accountability by logging what I eat and the amount of exercise on Sparkpeople.  Trying to stick to a diet can definitely make me dwell on not eating and make me hungry.  It was hot out, so I laid down in my room with the AC on and played Candy Crush to pass some time.  Hubby was lying down with me to escape the heat, so it was nice to have some time for just us.

Starting Over (Yet Again...)

I am trying to get serious about losing weight yet again.   I was doing well when I started this blog years ago.   Hubby and I mixed business with friendship, and unsurprisingly, it ended badly, causing hurt feelings on both ends (even though they were in the wrong...) and triggered my depression and abandonment issues.  I'm now heavy than I was when I started this, but that's ok.  I'm starting to see the light at the end of this depression fog.

Lots of stuff has happened since then, as well.  I have changed careers.  My kids are now a teen and a tween.  My mom cut ties with me because I got tired of how toxic things were and put up boundaries (I'm such an ass for thinking that I don't deserve to be treated badly, right?).  Cue more depression and more weight gain.  I lost my dog that was almost 14 unexpectedly in her sleep.  We adopted a 6 month old Sheppard-ish mutt a little over a year ago.  We have a 3 month old puppy that we've pre-adopted and will get in about a month.  We're all dealing with the unknown right now with this quantity being lifted.

I'very gotten good at taking pictures at flattering angles and Snapchat filters, but it's done little to actually improve myself.  I a, trying to be more authentic and stop hiding just for the sake of peace.  I want to be able to people a bit better, too, lol.  I am an introvert by nature, but want to make some real friends.

From being cooped up during this quarantine, I was craving to see nature, even if it is just an artificial man made park, so I took the dog for a walk at the local park.  It was nice to see greenery instead of houses.  My son was with a friend and my daughter was at the store with hubby, so I took our 1 1/2 year old dog to the park and listened to my mp3 player.  It was nice to just be me for a minute.

Take care!

Indirect Benefits for the Whole Family

For the last 3 days, I've been meeting up with another Cub Scout mom and walking at the park by my house.  The kids were off from school on Monday and Tuesday, so it was a great excuse to get outside and get a little exercise.

On Monday, the kids just played at the park and rode scooters/bikes a little bit.  Yesterday, we got more ambitious and walked/scooted/biked on a short trail first and then let the kids play.  Each day, the kids played hard for 2-3 hours.

Today, that mom, the puppy I babysit, and I walked for an hour and a half.  I'm sure we walked at least 4 miles!  She dropped her youngest child off at preschool and we walked until she had to leave to pick him up.  I have major housework to catch up on from being out so much lately, but enjoying this rare, beautiful weather has been worth it.

I have noticed the last few days that we've all been sleeping better.  It is starting to get dark later lately, so I'm sure that is helping.  It always throws me off when it gets dark before dinner.  I've never been great at shutting down at night or staying asleep.  I know my mood has been better lately.  I'm glad we are reaping so many benefits from getting more exercise!

Thanks for reading,

 ~ Vanessa

Zumba Kids

My local YMCA has started offering free kid's fitness classes.  I live about a half an hour from there, so I don't go to the gym nearly as much as I'd like to.  If we lived closer, I'd go there daily.

They are now offering:  Kids Yoga, Zumba Kids, and R.I.P.P.E.D. 4 Kids.  I'm trying to find a class that both of my kids would enjoy.  Right now, my son is doing basketball 3 times per week, so he is more physically active than my daughter.

My son would like the yoga class.  My daughter is not calm at all, lol.  Yoga may do her good, but she wouldn't enjoy it for quite a while.  She puts on weight really easily, so my main focus is trying to find a class that they'd both enjoy.  I will probably put them both in the R.I.P.P.E.D. class when basketball ends.  Eventually, when I go back to work after I finish school, we will be able to afford to put her in a gymnastics academy.  They are very pricey.  I think both the kids would benefit from strength training.  They take swimming lessons once per week and my son is struggling with his lack of strength.

Today, my daughter tried out Zumba Kids.  She really enjoyed it!  My son stayed home and played MTG with Hubby.  It's good that they've found a hobby they both enjoy.  My son also didn't want to be the only boy in the class.  The teacher said there are boys that take the class, but it's a free drop-in class, so each week, it can be different people.  Today there were no boys in the class.  My daughter came home raving about the class, so her brother is a little jealous.  He'll probably go next week with us.

I wasn't sure about how the class would work (drop off or stay there).  This teacher's preference is that the parents leave for 20 minutes and come back to watch them do a routine.  It was really cute!  The song was an empowerment girl song.  I'll have to download it for her so she can practice.  My daughter met a girl that was also taking the class for the first time that was about her age.

While she did her class, I went to the Cardio Room and did weight training.  Since I've been walking so much lately, I focused on the upper body.  I will definitely remember to bring my MP3 player next time so I can listen to music.

Thanks for reading!

 ~ Vanessa